Since Childhood, I’ve had severe apprehension about public bathrooms. I think I’d prefer public speaking. I mean, think about it, the bathroom is arguably the most private and personal space a person has. Its private because its disgusting. We secrete and excrete everything there. So when it becomes public, you’re subjected to do private matters, in the public setting. However, as normal it is, it still can become quite the conundrum when you are in the bathroom with a person who does not share the same hygiene values or concepts. A five minute bathroom trip can ruin a whole day if you happen to encounter an unpleasant experience. So here at Millennium Male, we’ve taken the time out to share with you our views and guidelines of proper bathroom etiquette. These practices are based on universal principle and blended with just common curiosity.
I. The Courtesy Flush: Its totally understandable if you’re late for a meeting or in the middle of a date with the finest woman in the restaurant, those precious seconds that you attempt to save can go to better use with a secondary flush. Modern technology has made it so that you don’t even have to use your hands to touch a toilet handle anymore. Once you’ve moved your genitalia out of the way, the bowl or urinal does the rest. So a quick wave of your magic wand can do the trick as a once over. It really helps someone’s mood not to walk into a bathroom and see the little trinkets that you left behind.
II. Silence is better than a Golden Shower: One of the most awkward things is engaging in conversation with a another man as you hold your member. Unless we’re good friends(really good friends), there is nothing so important that needs to be addressed, that cannot wait until we’re both finished and have left the confines of the bathroom. So please gentlemen, silence, eyes forward, or eyes directly south, unless you’re into that sort of thing.
III. When in a close space, make Space: Aside from the structure of a Ballpark or stadium, urinals tend to be built in three’s. So when two men a presented with all three urinals, both should choose to the ones furthest from each other. This has been an unspoken rule since grade school. And in my elementary school, they used to say the middle urinal was for those who didn’t dig chicks. As ignorant as is it today, I always laugh when I’m faced with the middle urinal as my only option. Let’s just say I go to the mirror and check my reflection just a little longer when that happens. The bottom line is, the buffer is essential and just more comfortable.
IV. Bulls eye: Guys, you’re not holding a fire hose, no matter how big you may be, or how big you think you are. So aim properly, and for pete’s sake, wipe the seat. That’s worse than trinkets.
V. To Wash or not to Wash: the obvious choice is to wash, but please, use soap, its there for a reason, apparently because water isn’t enough. Also, spare everyone the charade of turning the water on while you’re not washing your hands. We can see you through the little crack in the door while we’re handling our scandal. If you’re not going to wash your hands, then just leave. You’re nasty either which way you spin it.
Observing these 5 guidelines properly should get you by in everyday life as well as events where they are needed. It all helps with building class and character, it is the little things that matter in the grand scheme of thing….A little side note too. Use any available freshener that they provide in bathroom, they are all for your benefit.