In the 70’s and 80’s it was manly to have body hair. If this is the case for you as a single man now, welcome to the double 0’s. As sexual freedom continues to progress, so does the necessity of not shedding into or onto your partner’s body. I don’t know if you’ve had pubic hair in your mouth, but it’s kind of a mood killer. If you’re not a believer in shaving down to skin, then you can give yourself a buzz cut. The only reason that a lawn should become a scene from a Vietnam movie (The guy crawling through the brush looking for the enemy) is if there are distinguishing marks, blemishes, scars, or any other appearance hindering issue that forbids the cut down.

Shaving may be in the title of this column but it’s not the only way to remove hair. Sadly I’ve explored these options before I’ve ever thought of this column, so I can’t use this as an excuse for trying. With that being stated, let’s talk about Nair. My personal thoughts are that scientists in all their glory were asked by their wives to develop something to remove hair without having to shave. They succeeded in this project and used this same formula to make modern day Napalm. When applied anywhere except the most private of areas you take these steps. First step: Apply to area; you’ll start to feel a tingle. Second step: a feeling of pins and needles on the applied spot. Third: a little bit longer and you start to smell hair burning. Fourth: a little bit later and then you realize that you didn’t put the annoying neighbor’s cat in the microwave today, so it must be you. Fifth: Scream in pain and try not to cry. Sixth: Wipe away the excess hair and your tears; your right of passage that’s considered barbaric by some is over. If applied on the genitals skip steps two through four.

Another idea is waxing. This is the point in your life where you feel very secure in your manhood, or your taking grooming advice from Boy George and Clay Aitkin. Having a hot wax put on your body (Can be good) and then placing a paper on top of it to rip off hair (Is Bad). This form of removing hair is torture in itself, repeated torture, but if it works for you then play ball. Just know that I’d never play ball in this game and if you asked me to play, I’d tell you to continue to play with

Now we’ll talk about shaving. A blade near my love gun or the ammo holders doesn’t sound too appealing, but that’s because of bad experiences. I imagine my gonads take on a resemblance to a prison gangster, all cut up and shanked a couple of times (Don’t ask). So unless you have the steady hands of a surgeon or a pair of brass hanging, than this isn’t a suggestion. The next best thing is a hair trimmer, till the blades dull or the battery is low, then it becomes a motorized hair plucker, but if the battery is fully charged and the blades are sharp then cutaway the excess shrubbery.

The pros of Nair, waxing, shaving, or trimming are the little extra you get out of it. An inch or two may not matter when killing with grenades, but it matters when you put your trophy on display, it gives the impression that you take pride in your hygiene, and lastly no shedding in your partner or on your partner. Most men love a shaved or trimmed woman, so why not return the favor? Now let’s talk about the cons of hair removal. The only one that I can really think of is pain, with a possible emergency room visit if you try to shave. If you end up in the emergency room and see a man putting a Band-Aid down his pants, don’t judge, because you are not alone.

Written by: Justin Velis j_lee_velis@yahoo.com